


KEU Tumblr Ficlets

by anarchycox



Series: Knitter Eggsy Universe [6]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, Drabbles, Fluff, Multi, Originally Posted on Tumblr, bits and bobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-16 12:29:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5829055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a collection of the short stories that have been requested or just shown up on the knitter eggsy tumblr when I had a whim.</p><p>Chapter titles will tag who's involved. Non-linear, each functions as a stand alone ficlet in the KEU.</p><p>As ever start this after having read the first 20 or so chapters of Wrapped in Wool.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eggsy Writes Drunken Limericks

There once was a man name Merlin

Whose cock was rather thrillin’

He pulled me into bed

All of me was flushed quite red

And that is the story of how I finally stopped jerkin’

 

*********

There once was a man named Harry

Who mentored a guy called Gary

He’s the best

Fuck all the rest

Actually he’d rather just fuck Perry

(sorry couldn’t figure out how to make percival or michael fit there)

 

********


	2. Harry/Percival (an Ex of Harry's shows)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry/Percival prompt: someone from Harry's past comes for a meeting and Percival gets jealous. (Mainly fluff please!)

Percival was walking towards the kitchen and could hear Harry’s laugh. His real, heartfelt one. One heard rarely at the office and often when alone. One that never failed to draw a smile from Percival. He wondered what Eggsy or Bors had done now, to make Harry sound like that at work - especially these days where it seemed like the paperwork would kill Harry.

He walked in, expecting to see Eggsy making faces, or Bors telling a tale, and instead saw a stranger gripping Harry from behind and spinning him around and around and Harry giggling like a loon. He watched them spin until surely one of them had to be dizzy. Finally the man put Harry down, and Harry grabbed a table breathless.

“Oh I had forgot how fun that feels.” Harry said.

“No one spins you around Harry, shame.” The man had a deep voice, rich, with a lovely lilt. “You need to get your head turned more.”

Harry stood straight and pulled the guy in and kissed his head. “Hey I do alright.” 

Percival cleared his throat and the two looked over. Harry smiled. “Percival come meet Rabbie. He’s been an assistant to the Kingsman for several years, aiding us in west Africa. He rarely comes to England, been what 6 years since you’ve been here last?” Harry asked turning to the man.

“Well, I haven’t received as charming an invitation since then, so why bother coming?” The man grinned and Percival watched as Harry blushed.

Ah.

“So did you receive a charming invitation this time?” Percival asked a little sharper than intended.

Harry caught it, Rabbie did too, but he was polite enough to ignore it. “Harry is promoting me to the head of African affairs. I came to talk about implementation of some of his new ideas. He’s called meetings with all the international liaison offices.” Rabbie smiiled. “To see my…old friend, well that is just a bonus.” The man grinned and picked Harry up again.

Harry giggled. “I am your boss, you should show me some respect.”

“I’ve seen the footage from the church Harry, tell me I wasn’t the man you were referencing.”

Harry didn’t deny it. Percival nodded and walked out and went to the range. Pilar had to have a gun that needed testing.

An hour later Percival had killed 4 dummies. 

“Impressive.” Rabbie said from the back of the room.

“I’m weak on assault rifles.” Percival replied.

“That is very impressive then. Though Harry has gone on about your sniper skills.”

“He has?” Percival asked, carefully cleaning the weapon and putting it back.

“Yes. Along with your knitting skills, your smile, how well you wear a suit, your excellent music tastes, how you make tea perfectly, how well you throw knives, how you are the best thing ever in bed, and how you always pick out the best loaf of bread. How is that something a man brags about - picking the best loaf of bread?” Rabbie asked.

“Well, it is a useful skill.” Percival asked. “And Harry has very specific priorities. He’s talked about me?”

Rabbie snorted. “Emails, actual letters, phone calls. Anything work related will at some point devolve into did you know what Percival did now? It’s quite annoying actually.” Rabbie smiled. He walked over and pulled out a handgun, and did some impressive shooting. “I assume someone has already had a talk with you about how good a man Harry is, and how he should be kept happy and enamoured and flustered and romanced all the time?”

“They have. Galahad was quite menacing.” Percival assured him.

“Good. We were just a casual fling you know. A couple years where if we happened to be in the same area we’d have some fun. He never was an idiot for me. And dear god, has he completely lost his brain to you.”

“I know. But I’m quite the same.” 

“Excellent, I will go home with go news for my office and personal peace of mind.” Rabbie put the gun away and held out his hand. “You’ll take care of him? Because something’s not right and I think you know that.”

“I will. I promise.” Percival shook Rabbie’s hand.

Later that day Percival was in his office and Harry stopped by. “Rabbie left for home. Shame he couldn’t stay longer, I had hoped you and I could take him to dinner. I think you two would get along well.”

“Perhaps another time. I would enjoy that.” Percival said truthfully.

“You know he and I were -”

“Yes Harry it was sort of obvious the two of you had had sex.”

“I’m sorry, were you jealous?” Harry worried his lip.

“At first, he’s bloody gorgeous and apparently very fit.” Percival’s voice was dry. “But I know you are mine.”

“I am. I really am.” Harry said quietly.

Percival stood and went to his door. Locked it. He turned and grinned. “Besides I can do that too.”

“Do what?” Harry was a little confused.

Percival moved fast and picked Harry up. Only it wasn’t to spin him around until dizzy. It was to spin him around and slam him up against the door. “I’m not as fit as him, but I think I’m fit enough. I do hope that you have a spare suit in your office, this one is about to get rather wrinkled.”

Harry had two.


	3. Percival Dreams about his Lancelot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Overlord, considering the one ask to Percival about James, could we maybe get something about James' ghost visiting Percival? Pretty please with Ector on top? *bats eyelashes and shamelessly begs.

Percival had dreamt of plaid again. For weeks he had been having the same dream. Him walking into the tailor’s and Andrew trying to hand him a bolt of fabric. It was the fabric of the suit that James had been wearing when he died. Every time Andrew tried to hand him the bolt of plaid and Percival would say “That’s not for me.” and try to get to the estate only to loop back to the shop. Sometimes for hours on end he would dream this.

He was losing sleep and had to admit he didn’t feel capable of taking a mission. Harry wore his Arthur face and demanded a reason. And Percival finally told him the truth. Arthur gave him an official reprimand for not going to their counselor. Harry then pulled him in for a hug. Soothed his boyfriend.

That night over dinner Harry asked, “Have you considered taking the fabric?”

The next time Andrew held out the bolt, Percival held out his hand and took it.

“Very good sir. Dressing room 3 will suit your needs.”

Percival blinked and he was in the Kingsman supply room. And there poking at the lighters and pens was James. Wearing the plaid, body held together somehow, though he could see where he had been cut in half.

“I’m sorry.” Percival finally said.

“Goodness, whatever for?” James started throwing a lighter, grabbed a few began to juggle. They seemed to move in slow motion.

“We never collected your body.”

“Kingsman policy.” James said.

“Not any more. Harry changed that.”

“And how is he as Arthur?”

“This is all in my head, you are just a manifestation, you already know the answer.”

“Of course I do. But I always did like your voice.” He put the lighters back and started to juggle shoes.

“You never could stay still.”

“That’s boring.”

“I made you a scarf. You were dead for years and I made you a scarf. And that somehow put me on Harry’s doorstep.”

James put the shoes down. Went and poured them both a drink. “Shame you couldn’t figure out you liked him when I was alive. The Threeway would have been amazing.” He handed a glass to Percival.

Percival sat and they drank.

“I still miss you.”

James leaned across the table, cupped his cheek. “I am very charming.”

“Were.”

“Yes that is the correct verb tense isn’t it.” James drank and some of the liquid slid out the cut through his throat. Percival tried not to react.

“What now James?” Percival asked.

“I’ve never been in charge here. I’ve just been waiting in this room.”

“I was always the one waiting for you. Funny that.”

“Perhaps then I’m here to remind you to stop waiting.” James suggested.

“An interesting theory.” Percival said. He stood. “Goodbye James.”

He went to the door and walked out. Percival thanked Andrew for the fabric but said it was time to retire the pattern. He left the shop.

And woke up.

At breakfast Percival looked at Harry. “I still have some of James’s suits in storage. Would you help me properly dispose of them?”

Harry nodded. “Of course. What would be proper?”

Percival smiled, thought of dream James juggling the grenades. “I imagine Bors might have a suggestion or two.” James deserved one last big show.


	4. Merwin silliness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can you pretty please do a fluff drabble on this dialogue: "hey" "UMM , EXCUSE ME, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND" "yes I know... We're boyfriends" "I know I just still can't believe it"
> 
> (this is when eggsy and merlin were first dating)

Eggsy was in Paris. It was beautiful he supposed. He had spent most of the time there chasing people through the catacombs which frankly were creepy. Why people wanted to take actual tours of that, he had no damn idea. He had been especially grossed out when Gawain had just yanked a skull from a wall and thrown it to trip up the guy they were chasing.

When they were done, he had gone to the hotel and had an hour long shower, trying to wash the day off. He didn’t like being underground that much.

But then he put trousers and a nice shirt on and decided to walk the city at night at bit. He had asked if Gawain had wanted to go for a pint, but the man had smiled and said he had an appointment. Eggsy didn’t ask what sort - he could guess easily enough.

So he looked in shop windows, took a few photos with his glasses, figured his mum would get a kick out Paris at night. Eventually he found this tiny little bar that sat maybe a dozen. He grabbed a stool and asked in very poor french for a surprise.

The old man behind the bar smiled at the attempt and a few minutes later brought over a glass mug. Eggsy took a sip and smiled. “Merci.” It was warm, dark, just a hint of sweet, and enough wallop to land him under the bar if he had more than one.

He just sat there, and looked at the bottles on the wall. Wondered if maybe he could stretch the trip out for an extra day, maybe go somewhere like the Louvre, that was supposed to be a big deal right?

He could hear someone pull out the stool two over and a Scottish burr ordered a drink in perfect French.

Eggsy took another sip.

“Hey.” The voice said.

Eggsy didn’t look over. “Ummm, excuse me bruv, I have a boyfriend.” Eggsy’s voice was dripping with snark.

Merlin laughed. “Aye I know….we’re boyfriends.”

Eggsy spun a little in his stool to grin at Merlin, “I know, I just still can’t believe it.” Eggsy finished his drink. “What’re you doing here?”

“I managed to blackmail Harry, we both have 48 hours, to check for any addition problems here in regards to the mission.”

“But we finished it up right and proper.” Eggsy protested.

Merlin just quirked a brow and waited.

“Oh…problems. Right.” Eggsy moved one stool over to be next to Merlin. “Always have to be careful of problems.”

“Indeed.” Merlin ordered them another drink.

Paris got a whole lot more beautiful for Eggsy.


	5. Wedding Story (Pilar, Liz, and Roxy drinking together)

“How did you do it Pilar?” Roxy asked.

“Do what sweetie?” Pilar looked at the young woman. Roxy had not been able to sit still since she had arrived. She and Liz had agreed to limit Roxy’s intake, she didn’t need to be hungover tomorrow.

“Til Death Do You Part. How do you do that?” Roxy was destroying her manicure. 

“Well to be fair, it doesn’t have to be til death.” Liz said cheerfully.

“Gee thanks, make me think about the divorce rate. Awesome. I see how you are friends with Eggsy.” 

“And Sarah,” Liz reminded her. “So if you are planning to bail on tomorrow, I am obligated to gut you.”

“No!” Roxy said, aghast. “I would never. I want Sarah. I want her forever. I want her smile and her laugh, and I want to trip over the stitch markers that she constantly loses and I want to watch when she just destroys someone with how smart she is. I want to go to bed with her every night I can, and my god, do you know how good she is at going down on me? I could never give that up. Just that moment those words, how do you cope with them?” 

“Yeah, you get another glass.” Pilar said, and topped up Roxy’s drink. “Last one.”

“Thanks. I just…tomorrow matters. Matters more than a lot of things I’ve done, maybe matters most…and my parents won’t be there.” Roxy looked at them. “How can my mother look at Sarah and not see how amazing she is and how happy I am with her?”

“I don’t know.” Liz said. “But we see it, Percival sees it. And it is their loss.”

“I know. I know.” Roxy said.

“My mama was not there when I married Calvin.” Pilar said. “Until this past Christmas, she wouldn’t step foot on a plane.”

“How did Bors pull that off?” Liz asked.

“It seems that someone was very generous and donated the funds for a new roof for Mama’s church.”

The girls all laughed.

“And technically our first wedding didn’t count. Though it is the date we use.”

Liz and Roxy both perked up in their seats. They knew there was a story there.

Pilar smiled. She loved her wedding story. “I went out on precisely one mission. I had been in London about a year. We were engaged quick after I had come with him, but were waiting on the marriage itself, actually getting to know each other. BB would have married me right away, but some common sense was needed.” Pilar poured a fresh glass of wine.

“I was still pretty low in R&D, racist mother fucker was in charge. Crony of Chester’s. But I knew Merlin was eyeing me for promotion. And a mission came up that would need a tech expert along with the agents. I offered/insisted on going. Bors and Harry were the agents. It was supposed to be Harry and Kay, but no ways was Bors not going to be along so he darted Kay and bullied his way onto the plane.”

Liz and Sarah were eating chocolate, listening raptly.

“I had seen a lot of action in Mexico against cartels, but this, this was ugly, booby traps, trip wires, just endless work, but we needed to make it through. And we did. We got the intel, freed the CIA operatives that had been captured and were planning to blow the place. Only a missed a trip wire and a timed series of bombs started counting down. The three of us racing against the clock, Merlin screaming in our ears, doing what he can from his end.”

Pilar swallowed, emotion heavily in her throat. “We didn’t…we would work to the end, but we knew we were done. Merlin had stopped yelling, just typing furiously. And Bors, my heart, my beautiful Bomb Boy said:

Harry, do a dying man a favour and marry him to the most perfect bad ass woman ever?

And Harry just starts spouting out the lines as we’re all cutting wires. And with alarms screaming at us, sweat down our backs, fingers going numb, Bors and I promised to love, honour, and cherish until death do take us. Which we thought was in about 45 seconds. And Bors didn’t give a fuck about trying anymore and said I’m going out making this real. And pulled me into a hard kiss. And Harry figured out which was the lead line, cut it and we lived.”

Pilar laughed. “We got the CIA guys to our extraction point and made it back to the plane. And since it was our wedding night, we excused ourselves and Calvin fucked me in the plane bathroom.”

Pilar looked over and the two women were crying. 

“That…that is the most romantic thing I have ever heard.” Roxy said. Liz was wiping her eyes and nodding.

“Three weeks later we had a proper service, but that first one, that is the one that matters.” Pilar looked at Roxy. “Tomorrow, none of the nerves will matter, I promise, not when you look in her eyes and see the endless possibility there.”

“Yeah, plus Merlin ran the numbers, only a 3% chance of something going hideously wrong.” Roxy said

“See there you go.”

Liz got up and came back with Pilar’s best tequila. “Ladies a toast. To kick ass weddings, and kick ass people.” They all threw the drink back. “Now who wants to play fuck, marry, kill?”

They laughed and settled in to play and gossip, Liz fixing Roxy’s ruined nails. And giggle about the texts that Bors was sending Pilar.


	6. Harry's Recruitment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: harry tell us a story.

Once upon a time there was a man, charming, debonair, well dressed. He held a unique job, a secret one, and he was frightfully good at it.

He was beautiful, too. Full ginger, freckles it would take a decade to count. Never was a better card player in the whole of England. Never said a bad word about anyone not even the villains he cut down. If Percival works from a distance, he was up close, didn’t even carry a gun. All poisons and knives and garrotes.

Best of all was how he danced.

The only thing he was bad at was picking candidates. Only one of his ever made it to the table. A brash, foolish boy, from a strong family line, who loved and adored his parents, but who was incredibly impatient and bored with his status, with his life, with his future.

When the boy asked why he had been chosen as candidate the amazing and wonderful man said, “No one who dances like you should waste their life.” He said maybe one day they would share a dance. So for the first time in years the reckless boy actually tried, because oh god did he want that dance. And he made it, he made it to the final two.

And that night, during their time before the final trial, the beautiful man cooked a meal, and they danced in the living room, and it was perfect. The foolish boy was enamoured, and wanted more, but the man refused, said after, we’ll have all the time in the world when you sit at the table, if you sit at the table.

Only reason the boy was able to shoot at his dog, was because of that promise. And so he sat at the table. But the world is never a kind or restful place and they were often on other sides of the world, but promised each other a dance and more when they should finally have a break.

But there was no break and then he was gone with them never having a chance to dance again.

And Graham became Tristan. It was almost two years before I was able to call him that, I was too attached to the Tristan before, my Tristan. My fallen knight.


End file.
